June 11, 2011 § Leave a comment
June 10, 2011 § 2 Comments
I finished it this morning.
It’s been converted to a pdf and sent to the editor.
Now all I have to do is defend it and I’ll be official.
Sigh. of. Relief.
In celebration I decided to take a drive to the North Shore to visit Haleiwa Town.
Browsing through the beachy boutiques I found a pair of handmade earrings that I loved. The perfect no more little black cloud present to myself.
So happy to have pushed through and finish what once seemed impossible.
June 9, 2011 § Leave a comment
June 7, 2011 § 7 Comments
Art is the unique result of a unique temperament. – Oscar Wilde
June 7, 2011 § 2 Comments
Yet another theme change.
If my consistency in choosing a blog theme is any indication of my personality, well then I suppose it’s a bit obvious that I am obsessive, picky, indecisive and thrifty (thrifty because so far I’ve done the blog header design thing myself & used the free wordpress themes).
In keeping with the theme of self discovery (or self explanation) I’ve been re-reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat Pray Love this month.
I know I know, a twenty-something woman finding meaning in Eat Pray Love – how original, how shocking. But before you judge me on my cliche book choice, let me just say that I read this book for the first time years ago in 2006 after my Mom recommended it. I thought it was a good read then but I didn’t really delve into it and search for “take-aways” like I do with books now.
And let me tell you (aside from having to make a concerted effort to delete Julia Roberts from the script) this book is so much better the second time around.
I think sometimes we read to escape everyday life, and sometimes we read to try and explain everyday life.
At this point in time, this book is helping me explain.
This isn’t a book review, it’s just me sharing a few excerpts from this book that speak to me right now.
I’ve been really contemplative lately. Just chalk it up to excessive, long term unemployment along side with 2 big moves (Florida to Texas and Texas to Hawaii) all in a 2 year time span and you can see why the following quote seems fitting. In the opening section of Eat Pray Love Glibert uses a quote by Virginia Woolf to explain her own unconventional life…
Virginia Woolf wrote, “Across the broad continent of a woman’s life falls the shadow of a sword.” On one side of that sword , she said, there lies convention and tradition and order, where “all is correct.” But on the other side of that sword, if you’re crazy enough to cross it and choose a life that does not follow convention, “all is confusion. Nothing follows a regular course.”
I don’t think I’ve ever thought of my life plan as anything that resembles ordinary. I’ve always craved challenge and adventure so taking on a lifestyle that includes travels and uncertainty doesn’t bother me. But there’s another part of me that likes to be in control 100% of the time, and I maybe didn’t prepare myself for things not going as planned. Then again who plans to graduate college in the midst of a national recession that results in 10% unemployment? As Woody Allen put it, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.”
Many of us look into the fire and only see inferno. I need to actively learn how to…as Walt Whitman once wrote, stand “apart from the pulling and hauling…amused, complacent, compassionating, idle, unitary…both in and out of the game and watching and wondering at it all.” Instead of being amused, though, I’m only anxious. Instead of watching, I’m always probing and interfering.
This quote explains me. I can’t stop. I can’t be content in the stillness.
I’ve lived in Hawaii for 6 months now and I’ve been to the beach probably less than 10 times. This wouldn’t seem like such a strange occurrence if I had a full time job and sparse free time, but I’ve got plenty of free time – I just don’t know how to be okay with it.
Going forward I’m going to make an effort to be present. To accept that even though I have semblance of a plan, I’ll be okay if things turn out differently. I have a lot to be thankful for so all the panic is sort of unnecessary.
If I really embrace any “take-aways” from this book, I think the most important of all is to try and remind myself of the ancient Sanskrit mantra that Gilbert refers to throughout the book,
Om Namah Shivaya – I honor the divinity that resides within me
and just be content with that.
May 31, 2011 § 2 Comments
Tomorrow will mark one month since I ran the Oahu North Shore Marathon.
In one day this month I ran 26.2 miles…the rest of the month I ran a total of 28.4 miles…bringing May’s total mileage to 54.6 miles.
I wasn’t planning on tallying up my miles for this month but I was in such a funk today that I needed something to feel good about.
I mean, I was in a major “don’t wanna get out of bed, slept for half the day, had an abundance of extremely strange dreams, didn’t really get dressed” kind of day.
Basically I got up at 7am like I usually do, ate breakfast, went back to bed until 9am (because it was raining), surfed blogs for about an hour, watched the Today Show, watched half the Nate Berkus Show, starred at my thesis for about 30 min while simultaneously cutting my split ends, went back to bed until 1:30, got up & did a 30 min workout…and then still just wanted to go back to bed.
And quite frankly that’s just not me. I hate being unproductive and I really hate feeling lazy. But for some reason I just couldn’t brush it off. And let me add, as nice as it is to live in Hawaii with endless free time, that does not change my Type-A “must be productive” personality type, meaning – even in Hawaii being unemployed is troublesome.
So around 3pm I decided to force myself to run some errands. Although I did not change out of my stinky workout clothes, I did manage to go to the post office and the grocery store. While at Safeway I spotted a copy of Women’s Running Magazine and felt a little spark of encouragement. I bought the mag & came home feeling slightly more inspired than I’d felt all day.
While I was putting away the groceries I glanced at my workout calendar that hangs in the kitchen & was encouraged by what was written in the square for May 1st.
Oh yeah, that’s right, I ran a freaking MARATHON this month. For some reason I needed to remind myself of this. Apparently all of the “rest days” and lack of high mileage runs this month have been toying with my emotions, making me feel lazy. But after adding up the total miles I’ve run this month including the marathon, I realized that I did a heck of a lot this month and I probably just have a serious case of the post marathon blues.
In reality the past 6 months have been filled with nothing but personal athletic milestones. Each week of training was another week of uncharted territory. I suppose the fact that I haven’t really challenged myself for the past 30 days has weighed on my mood more than I expected.
But – at the end of a crappy day I’m acknowledging how important it is for me to feel challenged. Which then leads me to understanding how crucial goal setting is for my ultimate happiness. I’m not saying I’m planning to run another marathon anytime soon, but I am realizing that I need to create a plan for the down time. I know that being idle sends me into a panic, and that’s something I need to work through.
I’m not really sure what that means for my present situation. I do know that I’ll be defending my thesis in June (which actually is something big), and I do know that I want to find a good job more than anything, but I have to trust the timing and be thankful for my accomplishments as they happen.
And as nature would have it, I looked out on my balcony at one point today and on the grayest of days, witnessed this beautiful rainbow. Even though rainbows are a commonality here in Hawaii, I’d like to think that spotting one outside my window could be a sign of good things to come.